Today, I woke up listening to the sound of speeding cars outside my window, the screeching sound of the car brakes. The neighbour downstairs are drilling their walls. At this hour?
As usual, I rose up from my bed leaving my bed just as it is. I gave up making my bed 3 months ago. Breakfast was non-existent because I never woke up any earlier than 12 noon. Lunch was either leftover food or fast food or chicken rice. Sometimes I don't even eat because I was sick of eating out and I don't know what else to eat.
The best part in the afternoon was taking a bath. I looked in the mirror everyday thinking of whether or not should I wash my hair today? I'll flipped my hair around trying to make some silly hairstyles or trying to figure out if I should change my hairstyle. I realised my hair is too long already. Its length is more than enough to cover my breasts and for whatever reason, I don't wanna cut them and leave it as it is. My mum complains that theres way too much hair on the floor nowadays and also in the toilet. Obviously its mine. Even my room is filled with hair almost everywhere. My pillow, my bed, study table, floor, dustbin and even in my drawers. Yes, I'm losing a lot of hair but my hair is still as thick as it is.
I stay at home most of the days for the past 2 months. I barely go to college and I only go when I needed to. My exams took a toll on my sleeping hours and ofcourse my life. I spent the rest of my day locked up inside my room studying although I take very frequent breaks to the toilet, kitchen and sometimes going online.
For dinner, food was always take aways. I look forward for dinner because at least I have my mum and Elle around to eat together. I eat lunch alone most of my time. Occasionally with friends. My dad wasn't always around having dinner with us. Well, actually for the past few years , my dad was never together with us in one table eating with us. The 3 of used somehow got used to eating just the 3 of us. Even if he joined us for dinner, things aren't the same. Somehow its awkward coz I don't know what to say to him. My dad spends most of his time watching telly. I get very defensive if he were to scold me abt things.
I spend the rest of my night studying. I felt contented at where am I at that time. I know I was doing this for my future and sometimes I can imagine that I'll always look back and think about how much effort I've put in to do well for my A Levels. Sometimes, all I could think of is giving up. But I can never imagine how my life would turn out if I gave up. All i could think of is not giving up and continue to whatever I was doing. A levels is fucking hard. I can now safely say that I hate whatever I've learnt is high school because it was never enough to prepare myself for what A Levels has to offer to me, study wise. The reason why I felt like giving up because I keep failing in my tests after spending so much time and effort for it. But somehow or another I manage to survive. I've achieved results within my expectations and not by others.
I sleep at 3 am almost everyday. Sometimes at 5 am.
I've become lazy in certain ways because I am too tired to care. I've lost quite a lot of weight. I was 52 kilos in January and now, I'm 45 kilos. I've lost 3 sizes when I bought a new pair of jeans. After buying that pair of jeans, it finally hit me that I need to do something.
I realised I kept everything to myself. Almost every feeling, every anger, every sadness, every laughter, everything I kept it sealed within me. I do open up sometimes but I'm picky on who I let it out to. Once, I thought I had friends I could rely on and I shared my feeling with them and only to find out that they used whatever i said just to screw me up at the end of the day. People are cruel. Some pretend to be your best friend just to dig out information from you and use them to their advantage. That was a long time ago and since that moment, I trusted no one but myself. I trusted my heart on who to put my trust on.
For that, I'm ever so grateful for the people who were there for me whenever I needed them. I know that they will always be here for me. I'll never take advantage for their constant support. I apologize if I ever made any of you feel like I'm burden or sometimes annoying. LOL.
omg, I should stop here. I know I don't have many readers. If you people need anyone to talk to, you can always call me. I'm a good listener.
anyway, gtg! I just got a phone call one of my friend got into an accident! @@!!
Life is so unpredictable.
Friday 29 October 2010
Saturday 23 October 2010
I want
Picture credits to Elle
Bangsar's outlet is way much better than Times Square's outlet.
If only they have one outlet in Ampang. T.T
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Life.
Today, I woke up listening to the sound of speeding cars outside my window, the screeching sound of the car brakes. The neighbour downstairs are drilling their walls. At this hour?
As usual, I rose up from my bed leaving my bed just as it is. I gave up making my bed 3 months ago. Breakfast was non-existent because I never woke up any earlier than 12 noon. Lunch was either leftover food or fast food or chicken rice. Sometimes I don't even eat because I was sick of eating out and I don't know what else to eat.
The best part in the afternoon was taking a bath. I looked in the mirror everyday thinking of whether or not should I wash my hair today? I'll flipped my hair around trying to make some silly hairstyles or trying to figure out if I should change my hairstyle. I realised my hair is too long already. Its length is more than enough to cover my breasts and for whatever reason, I don't wanna cut them and leave it as it is. My mum complains that theres way too much hair on the floor nowadays and also in the toilet. Obviously its mine. Even my room is filled with hair almost everywhere. My pillow, my bed, study table, floor, dustbin and even in my drawers. Yes, I'm losing a lot of hair but my hair is still as thick as it is.
I stay at home most of the days for the past 2 months. I barely go to college and I only go when I needed to. My exams took a toll on my sleeping hours and ofcourse my life. I spent the rest of my day locked up inside my room studying although I take very frequent breaks to the toilet, kitchen and sometimes going online.
For dinner, food was always take aways. I look forward for dinner because at least I have my mum and Elle around to eat together. I eat lunch alone most of my time. Occasionally with friends. My dad wasn't always around having dinner with us. Well, actually for the past few years , my dad was never together with us in one table eating with us. The 3 of used somehow got used to eating just the 3 of us. Even if he joined us for dinner, things aren't the same. Somehow its awkward coz I don't know what to say to him. My dad spends most of his time watching telly. I get very defensive if he were to scold me abt things.
I spend the rest of my night studying. I felt contented at where am I at that time. I know I was doing this for my future and sometimes I can imagine that I'll always look back and think about how much effort I've put in to do well for my A Levels. Sometimes, all I could think of is giving up. But I can never imagine how my life would turn out if I gave up. All i could think of is not giving up and continue to whatever I was doing. A levels is fucking hard. I can now safely say that I hate whatever I've learnt is high school because it was never enough to prepare myself for what A Levels has to offer to me, study wise. The reason why I felt like giving up because I keep failing in my tests after spending so much time and effort for it. But somehow or another I manage to survive. I've achieved results within my expectations and not by others.
I sleep at 3 am almost everyday. Sometimes at 5 am.
I've become lazy in certain ways because I am too tired to care. I've lost quite a lot of weight. I was 52 kilos in January and now, I'm 45 kilos. I've lost 3 sizes when I bought a new pair of jeans. After buying that pair of jeans, it finally hit me that I need to do something.
I realised I kept everything to myself. Almost every feeling, every anger, every sadness, every laughter, everything I kept it sealed within me. I do open up sometimes but I'm picky on who I let it out to. Once, I thought I had friends I could rely on and I shared my feeling with them and only to find out that they used whatever i said just to screw me up at the end of the day. People are cruel. Some pretend to be your best friend just to dig out information from you and use them to their advantage. That was a long time ago and since that moment, I trusted no one but myself. I trusted my heart on who to put my trust on.
For that, I'm ever so grateful for the people who were there for me whenever I needed them. I know that they will always be here for me. I'll never take advantage for their constant support. I apologize if I ever made any of you feel like I'm burden or sometimes annoying. LOL.
omg, I should stop here. I know I don't have many readers. If you people need anyone to talk to, you can always call me. I'm a good listener.
anyway, gtg! I just got a phone call one of my friend got into an accident! @@!!
Life is so unpredictable.
As usual, I rose up from my bed leaving my bed just as it is. I gave up making my bed 3 months ago. Breakfast was non-existent because I never woke up any earlier than 12 noon. Lunch was either leftover food or fast food or chicken rice. Sometimes I don't even eat because I was sick of eating out and I don't know what else to eat.
The best part in the afternoon was taking a bath. I looked in the mirror everyday thinking of whether or not should I wash my hair today? I'll flipped my hair around trying to make some silly hairstyles or trying to figure out if I should change my hairstyle. I realised my hair is too long already. Its length is more than enough to cover my breasts and for whatever reason, I don't wanna cut them and leave it as it is. My mum complains that theres way too much hair on the floor nowadays and also in the toilet. Obviously its mine. Even my room is filled with hair almost everywhere. My pillow, my bed, study table, floor, dustbin and even in my drawers. Yes, I'm losing a lot of hair but my hair is still as thick as it is.
I stay at home most of the days for the past 2 months. I barely go to college and I only go when I needed to. My exams took a toll on my sleeping hours and ofcourse my life. I spent the rest of my day locked up inside my room studying although I take very frequent breaks to the toilet, kitchen and sometimes going online.
For dinner, food was always take aways. I look forward for dinner because at least I have my mum and Elle around to eat together. I eat lunch alone most of my time. Occasionally with friends. My dad wasn't always around having dinner with us. Well, actually for the past few years , my dad was never together with us in one table eating with us. The 3 of used somehow got used to eating just the 3 of us. Even if he joined us for dinner, things aren't the same. Somehow its awkward coz I don't know what to say to him. My dad spends most of his time watching telly. I get very defensive if he were to scold me abt things.
I spend the rest of my night studying. I felt contented at where am I at that time. I know I was doing this for my future and sometimes I can imagine that I'll always look back and think about how much effort I've put in to do well for my A Levels. Sometimes, all I could think of is giving up. But I can never imagine how my life would turn out if I gave up. All i could think of is not giving up and continue to whatever I was doing. A levels is fucking hard. I can now safely say that I hate whatever I've learnt is high school because it was never enough to prepare myself for what A Levels has to offer to me, study wise. The reason why I felt like giving up because I keep failing in my tests after spending so much time and effort for it. But somehow or another I manage to survive. I've achieved results within my expectations and not by others.
I sleep at 3 am almost everyday. Sometimes at 5 am.
I've become lazy in certain ways because I am too tired to care. I've lost quite a lot of weight. I was 52 kilos in January and now, I'm 45 kilos. I've lost 3 sizes when I bought a new pair of jeans. After buying that pair of jeans, it finally hit me that I need to do something.
I realised I kept everything to myself. Almost every feeling, every anger, every sadness, every laughter, everything I kept it sealed within me. I do open up sometimes but I'm picky on who I let it out to. Once, I thought I had friends I could rely on and I shared my feeling with them and only to find out that they used whatever i said just to screw me up at the end of the day. People are cruel. Some pretend to be your best friend just to dig out information from you and use them to their advantage. That was a long time ago and since that moment, I trusted no one but myself. I trusted my heart on who to put my trust on.
For that, I'm ever so grateful for the people who were there for me whenever I needed them. I know that they will always be here for me. I'll never take advantage for their constant support. I apologize if I ever made any of you feel like I'm burden or sometimes annoying. LOL.
omg, I should stop here. I know I don't have many readers. If you people need anyone to talk to, you can always call me. I'm a good listener.
anyway, gtg! I just got a phone call one of my friend got into an accident! @@!!
Life is so unpredictable.
I want
Picture credits to Elle
Bangsar's outlet is way much better than Times Square's outlet.
If only they have one outlet in Ampang. T.T
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)