Life Updates I

Excuse me for my lack of updates. I've been lazy to blog these days. So, if you're still reading my blog, I love youuu!! lol. =D Thanks for putting the effort to drop by.

As you can see my chatbox on the right column has been spammed by idiots and so, don't bother posting anything there coz I don't think I bother reading it anymore. I might even take out the chatbox, well.. later lah!

Life so far has been... well okay, I suppose? I have my ups and downs but life has to go on. A lot of things happened for the past couple of months and definitely there are a lot of changes as well. I'll be turning 20 this year (omg, I don't feel like my age) and I have more responsibilities, more things to worry and think about, more time spent on building up my career and much much more.

For the past 3 months I've been thinking and stressing out on so many things. Studies, career, relationships, money, time, my health, parents and definitely my future. Having all these spinning round and round in my mind like plates of sushi's from Sushi King passing by, almost never ending. I spent my whole day, almost everyday thinking about all these things and its frustrating that I can't have a solution for all of them.

Recently, I just got my A-Levels results. One thing I could say is that I'm not happy with it. I saw my hopes and dreams crash and burn with just a click of my computer mouse as I saw the grades popped up on my computer screen. I felt numb for awhile and for the first time in my life frankly, I felt totally lost. I felt like I didn't know what the hell was I doing and what am I supposed to do at that moment. For the next few days, I was not in the mood for anything and it went on like that for the rest of the week. I even came up with this crazy idea to stop studying, stay home, get married to a billionaire, become a housewife and produce babies. =/ Stupid me, i've spent so many years studying all my life with all those sleepless nights, fevers and stress just to end up to become  a fulltime housewife??! No. Crazy ahh?? Even if my future husband is filthy rich, I don't ever wanna end up being a stay-at-home mummy. Girls, we gotta' be independent and support yourself. =)

What about money? Well, its Chinese New Year.. So, I got alotta Angpau's? teeheehee. Okay, lets be more serious here. Money will always be an issue we all talk about no matter how rich or poor you are. Things are getting more expensive these days or maybe its just me, that I've been spending too much on expensive things despite loving cheap and if possible, free things. lol. Money ain't easy to earn. So people, if you're too rich and you don't know what to spend on, spend on me(or ppl like me). Pay for my education so that I can have more and better choices. Don't spend it on unnecessary things like building more skyscrapers or bridges or go to the moon or whatever that are useless.

Time is of the essence. Time is precious. time is definitely running out. From now, I'll be quite busy, busier than before. It has been giving me headaches thinking about time, in general. *exhales*

For thr past two or three months, I had fever twice already and its not a good sign. The most recent one would be during the first night of CNY when I was at my hometown, Batu Pahat. I was so unfortunate to fall ill where my whole family and relatives had the chance to actually meet up and enjoy each other's company. Instead of doing that, I spent my days sleeping with tissue papers everywhere. I don't know if it has a hay fever due to allergies to my cousins dogs or theres a possibility that its the weather or stress or I'm just unlucky or its just everything I've just mentioned. sighs. Now, I feel so much better except that i have flu, nose block, dry throat and a coarse voice from time to time. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

My parents, Aww, I love them to bits although I don't show it. They're getting older and I'm getting more afraid and worried for them. I don't wanna like mention it but they're getting old. You know what I'm talking about don't you?? =/ Hmmm. I just love having them around and I can't imagine how my days would be like without them. I wish that they will forever be blessed and showered with happiness, good health, prosperity, long life, luck, love and everything nice, especially my mum's cooking skills. =D

Relationships. I'm a bit sensitive and personal when it comes to this topic as it is a sensitive and personal matter.. I prefer keeping this to myself and I only share it with the people I can totally trust. For all I can say is that I never regret for what had happened between us and what we had. =) We may not be right for each other as more than just friends but we'll be okay. I will always remember and cherish the good times we had and I'll keep them close to my heart. Whatever bad memories we had was just a part of growing up, the experience and its just life. It has taught me to be wiser and careful in the future. I hate you and myself for all the bad memories we had. I still care for you and I will always remember you. Thank you for everything, for caring for me, for being there for me, for loving me and everything. A big thank you to your family too. =) Take care, Afiq. I wish you all the best in whatever you're doing, especially the things you have passion for. I would like to apologize for the mean things I said, the arguments I caused and all the things I did which hurt your feeling when we were together. For all that, I'm truly sorry. You know, it will take me some time to actually let this settle down before I move on. Moving on is never easy, it never was and it will never be easy. Moving on does not always mean we gave up. It heals. As much as i don't believe it when people told me, trust me, time will heal the broken heart when you move on. Just, don't give up trying again. Don't be afraid to love again. =)

Huaaaaa! I feel so emo now and its draining my energy. =(  I don't feel well. Besides, my throat and flu are killing me. Need to sleep.

I've got lots more going on but that's all I'm willing to share for now, until next time... =)

p/s : nunca te rindas! =D

Thoughts and Visions

*grumbles* ughhh...... *grumbles* It appears that I have a sore throat. Its not painful at all but it so freaking dry! So dry that my voice changes. It sounds so.... coarse. No no no.. It sound husky! =P Just kidding. Maybe that is a sign that I should stop eating too much chocolate.

Call me a chocolate addict coz I adore chocolate. Chocolates are always here for me. Whether I'm happy, sad or angry. When I'm sad, the best chocolate remedy would be chocolate ice cream. When I'm angry, the best chocolate remedy is chocolate cake. When I'm happy... well.. when I'm happy I'll just eat any chocolates. I don't have a chocolate cure for being happy.

Sometimes, I would toast 2 pieces of bread and put Nutella chocolate spread on it if I stay up late at night. I always ask myself whether or not to cut off the bread skin. In the end, I ate all of it and I would make another one. *clears throat*

Enough of chocolates. Lets switch to another topic. For the past few days, I've been doing a little bit of thinking. I was thinking about how my SPM results would turn out to be, will I ever get a scholarship?, what are my options?, my future, people who've been in and out of my life, my parents and myself.

About my future and options. I would like and want to take up Dentistry and to become a Dentist as my career. That is as far as I could think of in terms of my career. I could further my studies in

1. Dental Public Health (study of epidemiology and social health policies)
2. Endodonthics (Root canal therapy study of disease of dental pulp)
3. Oral and Maxillofacial Pathology (study, diagnosis, and sometimes the treatment of oral and maxillofacial related diseases)
4. Oral and Maxillofacial Radiology study and radiological interpretation of oral and maxillofacial diseases)
5. Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery (extraction, implants and surgery)
6. Orthodontics (straightening of teeth a.k.a. braces)
7. Pediatric Dentistry (formerly known as pendodonthics that is dentistry for children)
8. Periodontics (study and treatment of diseases of the periodomtium(gum) and placements and maintenance of dental implants)
9. Prosthodontics ( dentures, bridges and the restoration of implants. Some prosthodontists further their training in "oral and maxillofacial prosthodontics"--a discipline concerned with the replacement of missing facial structures--such as ears, eyes, nose, etc)

These are the 9 specialists recognised in US, Canada and Australia. - (extracted from wikipedia)

Well, I'll leave this for later because I would have to study for another 4/5 years to pursue as a specialist. But, just so you know, I'm quite interested in number 1, 5, 6 and 9. Number 5 is a common general practice when you're just an ordinary dentist but Oral Maxillfacial Sergery is a more specific term for it.

So, now I'm torn between 2 option. Actually, I have more than 2 options but the other options are not guaranteed. My first option is to take Cambridge A-Levels either in HELP or Taylors or any other college of my choice. I would have to spend 2 years if I take A-Levels and continue my studies either locally or aboard. This would cost a lot of money, about 500 000 or more?

My second option is to enroll myself to International Medical University (IMU). I'm quite unsure about this as I'm waiting for further information through mail. But, this is what I know so far. The whole course would take up to 5 years or 5 1/2 years depending on what options you get. I don't have to take A-Levels for this as I would take my foundations of Dentistry for one year. Now, I have another 2 options. First, I could study locally for 5 years. Second, I could do a twinning program 2 1/2 or 3 years locally and 3 or 2 1/2 years in Australia. I would love to have the 2nd option and If I do get it, I could either study at University of Adelaine/ University of Queensland/ University of Sydney/ University of Western Australia/ University of Otago, New Zealand. Total fees if I study solely in Malaysia would cost up to RM 400 000 and if I get to study aboard it would cost about the same or slightly more.

Well, correct me if I'm wrong because I am still waiting for further information about my second option. However, I think I like the 2nd option better. I could save up to a year if I take the 2nd option.

My other options are Scholarships, Local University and International Dental College which is in Penang.

Scholarships are not easy to get but not impossible. I can't depend solely on this.

Yup, I did applied for Local University too. I submitted my name already. I don't really have high hopes on this because its local university. Its quite hard to get into local U as it is very competitive among non-bumiputera's. So, if I do get it I'll still have second thoughts about it. It depends la, if I don't get what I want then I'll just forget it.

Hmm.... International Dental College is something like my 2nd option. Its a twinning program too. Study a few years locally and a few years aboard. This time, its in India. But, I think I have to take A-levels for this.

Sometimes, I think I'm just too ambitious. I'm very concern with this because I have high expectations. I don't want it to lead to disappointments. The future is hard to predict. I want to excel in every aspect of my life but sometimes, life can be unfair. You might never have all of it and yet you can have all of it. My mum would jokingly tease me that I shouldn't study too hard or be too ambitious because no guys/men would want me to be their wife because I'm earning more than them. =.=""""""""" omg. For a moment I believed her but then I don't want to end up wasting my time studying so hard and end up sitting at home all day, being a full time housewife. That would be a waste. I don't want to depend everything on my future husband. I also want to be able to support myself so that my future husband or anyone would not look down on me. Hmmm... Am I being paranoid?? Because... these things happens.

You know, I can write this all night and it won't have a full stop to it. Talk about guys... People always ask me about what qualities do I look for in a guy. I got so many answer that I usually pick one randomly. Like I said, I have high expectations in every aspects of my life and I'm very concern with it. Some people told me not to be too picky or I'll not get married for the rest of my life. lol. I can give you so many reasons for this statement. Anyways, I don't have to explain thoroughly here. I've been in love/in a relationship and I know what its like.

aha! That is another topic that I've never mention in my blog and I think I would like to keep it that way. The reason is because there are so many stalkers here that don't have a life that use my words against me. I know that SOME of my readers here come and go, anonymously without leaving behind their footprints and in real life, they would just spread rumors about you and hence, you're popular! Sweat. Hey! I know most of my regular readers don't do it.

So, I'll just talk about this topic generally but in term of a boy-girl relationship. It can be about anyone.

As you know, some people commit themselves in a relationship just because of the status of "being in a relationship. Some people are just really in love and are committed to make the relationship successful. Some people just don't care. Which category are you in? From my point of view, committing yourself in a relationship is not a joke and it is never a joke to me. What about falling in love? I think this is easy for some and quite hard for some others. It depends okay. But, keeping a relationship is not easy. It takes up a lot of time, effort, energy and money. By that, you need commitment, communication, love, respect and trust. These are the 5 main things that are vital in a relationship. That is what I think and they are not arranged orderly. Its really really deep. Don't you think so?

A relationship can fail for so many reasons and any of those reasons fall into those 5 main categories. If there is lack of one component, the relationship fails. Am I not right? Hmm... I think my relationship with you failed because there's no commitment. I don't think any of us are ready for it, yet..

I think I shouldn't elaborate further as I tend to write more unnecessary details. Good night!

PS: I hope this entry is not boring because its kinda long.

Christmas is 4 days away. I can't wait to get my Christmas present. So far I only got one. Well, I should be thankful that I got one. Its better than having none. =)

Goodnight!

Its 3a.m here in this picture and eating chocolate ice cream at this hour while sitting at my room window is such a bliss.
So, don't purposely come looking for me at this hour. It's consider stalking me. haha! I'm just kidding!

Good night again!=)