Heated up. *edits*

I'm back! =D

Its been a hell of a month for me. My 3rd test, which is also the final exam for my first semester is all over. I've been worried sick for the past 1 month and I still am coz my results will be out next week.

I've never studied so much and so hard ever. As in seriously, its nothing compared to SPM. After my 2nd exam was over, there was no break for me. Time is of the essence. I've been having sleepless nights, swollen eyes, raging pimples popping off all over my face, studying every waking hour and such. Yeah, I am here to complain about my life that has been sucking the living soul out of me.

I remember saying this before I made up my mind about taking A Levels. I said that "I am so gonna lose my social life.", "Damn, I'll have to study like theres no tomorrow" etc. Hell yeah I am doing all these now. I don't know why in the world I even took up A levels. Fuck lah. Its tremendously, excruciatingly difficult.

I've fallen ill 4 times this year. I've never gotten sick so many times in less than a year. Most of it happened when exams are approaching. Its really depressing and I hate feeling all feverish and have my head spin round and round.

I've been deprived of sleep and it makes me feel all grumpy coz the slightest thing could just tick me off easily and I'll explode like a nuclear bomb.Its so bad to the extend that I even feel guilty of sleeping although its the most essential thing for me, a human. And when a human is deprived of sleep, wonders could happen.

I cried quite a few times coz I couldn't handle the pressure and it really is difficult. Its just like what Kok Siang was saying the other day, "SPM is like CH3COOH and STPM/A Levels are like H2SO4" Don't get it? LOL nevermind. If you do, congratulations!

There are many times I felt like giving up. It felt so suicidal.

The first day of my exam, I sat for General Paper and Applied Maths. Its was alright. I just hate Permutation and Combination. Who cares is 6 people is chosen in a group, 3 of them are boys and another 3 are girls and 2 of the girls refuse to sit next to each other!?!

The second day was far more worse than I expected. I was literally cursing throughout my Chemistry paper. There were 40 objective questions and 6 structured question each with at least 6 questions and I only had 1 hour and 30 minutes to complete everything. How absurd is that? All of us were given 45 minutes to answer the objective question and the answer sheet were collected when the time is up. My eyes were already watery when the invigilator was waiting by my table to collect my answer sheet. I shaded my last 8 answers C's because I was out of time and I didn't even had the chance to read the questions. I bet the others felt the same way as I do. Oh, I have the balance 45 minutes to complete all the structured question which I did not. I think I partly blame it on time and also the fact that I don't know how to answer the question in such a short time.

Pure maths was alright. A few silly mistakes.

Biology paper was kinda okay. I'm quite satisfied with it.

I might lose my scholarship if I do fail any subject and if I do get an average score of under 60.

I feel damn sakit hati wei.. As terrible as it seems, I always do hope for a better result. Excuse my profanities in this post. I just can't tahan to keep it inside anymore. Now that the exams are over, I have one more thing to worry about, which is Parent-Lecturer Day. T.T

OK lahhhh, I know you people might think I'm over exagerrating over this issue coz I might be or may not be. It depends on how one sees it actually. *big smiles*

I'm either gonna continue watching True Blood or get my 12 hours of sleep.

I love the series. Its awesome. Damn, vanpires can be so brutal and yet seductive. LOL

This series is definitely something worth watching. =D


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Since this post is already filled with complains, I shall go on further coz I wanna do this once and for all. I don't really like flooding my blog page with all my complains and whinings so, allow me to do this okay?

Prior to what I've just said earlier, that I easily get ticked off by the tiniest thing? Indeed I was cross with one of my classmate due to something really small. It was a piled up feeling of annoyance and I just could not tolerate it anymore. I don't wanna blog the details of it here coz its not nice. I'm just expressing how annoyed I am. My classmate apologized but things are still unresolved due to our exams and since the incident, we didn't really communicate at all tll today. I don't wanna risk making things more complicated.

I just read Elle's post on how people asking for donations. As cruel as I can sound, I'm not giving anymore of my money to some random stranger who is collecting money for some disbled charity.. To be exact, I dont give a damn about it anymore. Come to me one more time and I'll say, "FUCK OFF" I have my reasons for saying this.

Imagine if your eating at a mamak with a bunch of friends coz mamak food is cheap around my area. Then a stranger will approach you at the side of your table saying "Hello, I am yada yada yada from dot dot dot and I am doing la la la for this and that charity. Here, is my license and such and pictures of disabled children bla bla bla. So..... " I'll end up feeling sorry for all these disabled kids but I felt even more sorry for the guy who came asking money from us.

First of all, I'm eating in a mamak restaurant. As a student, I am saving my money for myself and for my future. I went  to a mamak restaurant because the food is cheaper and it fills up my tummy coz I had a freaking long day in college, I'm tired, I still have to study when I get home and the cycle goes on almost everyday.. In college, I only spent RM1.90 and sometimes RM2.20 for my lunch and nothing else. I am not from a rich family, just an average one and I'm happy with whatever I have. And there you go, a stranger asking at least RM10 from us which could buy me a week of lunch in my college canteen. Its not that I can't afford giving RM10. I can, but thats not the point. If I sincerely want to donate, I could give any amount I want and not having to state RM10 is the minimum amount. I'm not being all kedekut or kiam siap. I just want to have a pleasant meal with my friends and you people out there to just shut up, go away and stop walking around asking money from us. Don't you feel tired asking money from every stranger you meet like we, civillians owe those disabled kids our money?

Second of all, I've been cheated once and that would be the last time. Mei Yean and I were on our way to Midvalley to buy a pair of dress for prom. There are these bunch of guys ambushed us with their charity stuffs again and they asked us to write our names to just support them. Boy, they are a bunch of sweet talker I'll tell you that. WE THOUGHT that we wrote our names just to support them and we just left. But it turns out that we have to donate RM30 to them. I we were like, "FUCK WEI, we just got cheated!"

Oh, here's another one. I was with my high school friends at Pavilion's Food Republic. We were eating and suddenly a woman just sat at our table. Some of us were kinda stunned and I thought that maybe one of my friends knew her or something coz she didn't say a word. Then, the took out a small little piece of paper saying "Hello. I am from dunno what foundation. I am deaf and dumb. Would you be kind enough to ......??" It ws my first encounter with these style of asking donation so I just went all speechless for i dunno what reason. My friend shoooed her away. Eeeeee. Its so rude to grab a seat with a bunch people you dont know.  I never knew Pavilion would have such things.

I don't have any problem with these disabled people. I really do symphatise and I feel sorry for them. Its the people who come bugging me to "donate" money for the less fortunate that heats me up. Just so you know, I don't even have the guts to ask my parents for money coz I understand that they are saving for my education and the household stuffs. Its not that they can't afford to give me money. Infact they can but I don't have the thick face to ask them unless I desperately need it. I don't know how you people go round asking for donations as your job. What will you answer if you were to have a son/daughter who asked you, "Daddy/Mummy, what is your occupation?" "Oh, Daddy/Mummy go round town asking people for donations for the less fortunate people" In what category is that job in? Sales? or? I dunno, I can't find a name for that kind of job. Oh wait! If its for charity, maybe you people are sincerly doing it without a salary? Well, I don't know about that. Maybe there are. But as far as I'm concerned, nothing in the world is free.

Face it, I still depend on my parents in many many ways and in this case, I still depend on them financially. I don't have a steady job to support myself, I don't earn my own salary yet, and I am still studying to get a good education and also making my way up toward acheiving my goal in life so that I wont suffer in the future and my kids wont have to go through poverty. When I am already financially stable, I wouldn't mind giving donations through the appropriate channel that for sure.

I know most of us are not obligated to donate money but the amount of people coming to me nowadays is just absurd. I have a phobia with these kind of people. I know some of you readers may have a different view/opinion on this topic. I may or may not be wrong. This donation thing shouldn't be bothering me or any of us but its becoming a public annoyance and I already am despising it. Stop making us feel all sorry and donate money all the time. Apparently Symphaty has a price to pay right now.

haih, I'm tired now. Byeeee. =D