Life.

Today, I woke up listening to the sound of speeding cars outside my window, the screeching sound of the car brakes. The neighbour downstairs are drilling their walls. At this hour?

As usual, I rose up from my bed leaving my bed just as it is. I gave up making my bed 3 months ago. Breakfast was non-existent because I never woke up any earlier than 12 noon. Lunch was either leftover food or fast food or chicken rice. Sometimes I don't even eat because I was sick of eating out and I don't know what else to eat.

The best part in the afternoon was taking a bath. I looked in the mirror everyday thinking of whether or not should I wash my hair today? I'll flipped my hair around trying to make some silly hairstyles or trying to figure out if I should change my hairstyle. I realised my hair is too long already. Its length is more than enough to cover my breasts and for whatever reason, I don't wanna cut them and leave it as it is. My mum complains that theres way too much hair on the floor nowadays and also in the toilet. Obviously its mine. Even my room is filled with hair almost everywhere. My pillow, my bed, study table, floor, dustbin and even in my drawers. Yes, I'm losing a lot of hair but my hair is still as thick as it is.

I stay at home most of the days for the past 2 months. I barely go to college and I only go when I needed to. My exams took a toll on my sleeping hours and ofcourse my life. I spent the rest of my day locked up inside my room studying although I take very frequent breaks to the toilet, kitchen and sometimes going online.

For dinner, food was always take aways. I look forward for dinner because at least I have my mum and Elle around to eat together. I eat lunch alone most of my time. Occasionally with friends. My dad wasn't always around having dinner with us. Well, actually for the past few years , my dad was never together with us in one table eating with us. The 3 of used somehow got used to eating just the 3 of us. Even if he joined us for dinner, things aren't the same. Somehow its awkward coz I don't know what to say to him. My dad spends most of his time watching telly. I get very defensive if he were to scold me abt things.

I spend the rest of my night studying. I felt contented at where am I at that time. I know I was doing this for my future and sometimes I can imagine that I'll always look back and think about how much effort I've put in to do well for my A Levels. Sometimes, all I could think of is giving up. But I can never imagine how my life would turn out if I gave up. All i could think of is not giving up and continue to whatever I was doing. A levels is fucking hard. I can now safely say that I hate whatever I've learnt is high school because it was never enough to prepare myself for what A Levels has to offer to me, study wise. The reason why I felt like giving up because I keep failing in my tests after spending so much time and effort for it. But somehow or another I manage to survive. I've achieved results within my expectations and not by others.

I sleep at 3 am almost everyday. Sometimes at 5 am.

I've become lazy in certain ways because I am too tired to care. I've lost quite a lot of weight. I was 52 kilos in January and now, I'm 45 kilos. I've lost 3 sizes when I bought a new pair of jeans. After buying that pair of jeans, it finally hit me that I need to do something.

I realised I kept everything to myself. Almost every feeling, every anger, every sadness, every laughter, everything I kept it sealed within me. I do open up sometimes but I'm picky on who I let it out to. Once, I thought I had friends I could rely on and I shared my feeling with them and only to find out that they used whatever i said just to screw me up at the end of the day. People are cruel. Some pretend to be your best friend just to dig out information from you and use them to their advantage. That was a long time ago and since that moment, I trusted no one but myself. I trusted my heart on who to put my trust on.

For that, I'm ever so grateful for the people who were there for me whenever I needed them. I know that they will always be here for me. I'll never take advantage for their constant support. I apologize if I ever made any of you feel like I'm burden or sometimes annoying. LOL.

omg, I should stop here. I know I don't have many readers. If you people need anyone to talk to, you can always call me. I'm a good listener.

anyway, gtg! I just got a phone call one of my friend got into an accident! @@!!

Life is so unpredictable.

I want

Picture credits to Elle

Bangsar's outlet is way much better than Times Square's outlet.

If only they have one outlet in Ampang. T.T

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiii

This week would be my last week of college. I never thought that this will come knocking my door so soon. I'll be having study week from next week onwards. *exhales*

My final exam falls on the 18th of October 2010. It ends on the 18th of November. I'll be re-taking Biology for my AS Level. Hmm... I never thought I will redo this subject but I am. -.- 

I've already started studying full time. No more fooling around as much as before. =)

Im hungry now. -.- Imma get something to eat and continue with whatever I'm doing. =D 

Things

I want us back to the way we used to be. The ones where we used to talk to each other. We used to spend hours and hours of non-stop talking.

We always have lunch together, sometimes dinner and breakfast occasionally. I miss the times when we were enjoying ourselves in each others company. I remember us being so happy that it really shows through our faces.

Now, things are monotonous and stale. I really wanna turn this around and relive those moments we had.
Or maybe thing happening right now is normal in every relationship? I hope so.


Honestly, I have a lot of things i gotta do but have a lot of things bugging me in my head and this is just one of them. I keep complaining about how hard A-Levels is and how stressful is it for me. Its time consuming andI have to study most of my time. Even if I have some free time, I feel uneasy. The things I enjoy doing like watching tv, online, shopping, sleeping and camping at the bookshop seems like a waste of time.

Sometimes, I'm torn between spending time with my boyfriend and my studies.. I know I can always put either of it on hold for a moment but I just don't like having to choose. I'm willing to pick any of it but I don't want to feel guilty for what I choose to do with my time.

I hardly do any outdoor activities for the past 2 years. I put it on hold as well. I used to wake up early in the morning to jog, take a bath and have my breakfast. I remember the times I used to go for a swim. I used to dance and I stopped for awhile due to several reasons and time is one of it.

Judging by the things I just wrote, I spend so much time studying and I don't get a string of A's on my results. Are my methods of studying wrong? Hmm... I don't know. So far, I only have average grades.

My social life is partially gone because I'd rather spend my time at home catching up with some sleep. Its not that I don't hang out with friends anymore, I still do but I spend less time.

I'm fully aware that whatever I'm going through right now is just another phase in life. A Levels is like a pass to University. The purpose of A-Levels is to fully prepare one to face the challenges that one may face in university or similar or probably worse. (depends on what course you're taking. HEHE =P)

I somehow can't fully express my thoughts here and I would end it here.




ps : I love you very much, baby. We'll be okay. I mean, we'll be awesome! =)

I need a booster dose of hard work, focus, determination and patience.

I got my AS Exam results about 2 weeks ago. I wouldn't say I'm happy or sad with my results. Somehow I'm just a lil bit disappointed after all the effort I've put in. I may not be as hardworking or as intelligent as my other classmates but I've done everything within my abilities. I didn't score any A's which was not a surprise but I manage to score some B's and C's.

But anywayyyyyy, I'm not gonna give up! =D I've decided to redo my Biology papers for AS this October, together with the A2 Exam. It means I'll have double doses for Biology because I'll be sitting for 5 papers. I don't wanna redo everything because I think I would end up in a mental institution. =D

Looks like my hands are tied up. I seriously have a lot of studying, revisions and past year papers to do. My sleeping hours are so gonna be screwed again. Occasionally, I might just forget to eat. My mood will swing and you wont find me anywhere else because you can either find me in college or at home.

I'm also literally broke. Financially broke.

@@ I'll be alright..

"Teenage Dream" - Official Lyric Video

Imma put your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your Teenage Dream
Tonight.

I loveeeee this song coz its really catchy and it somehow makes me happy. LOL
Love how Katy Perry jumble up those words in her lyrics. HEEHEEEHEE.

angry

Im not happy, angry, annoyed, frustrated and someone please help me insert more unhappy feelings to complete my sentence.

Have you ever felt so annoyed and angry that you just wanna scream your lungs out?!?!
This is exactly how I feel right now.

Take note on the time I post this. Its almost 1 a.m and my schedule tmr ain't making me feel better.

UGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

=(

Cupcakes!

I have a slight obsession with cupcakes right now for god knows what reason. Maybe the the feeling of being high with sugar. =DDDD

Elle and I were at KLCC last week. She dragged me to KLCC to see Yao Bang. -.-" why am I not surprise. Out of boredom, I saw this stall nearby the cinema and escalators.

Cupcakes!!

I've been eyeing on these colourful and attractive cupcakes for awhile now. So, I decided hey, why not I just give it a shot?

I got one for myself and the other one for Elle.

Its too cute to be eaten. =P

wow, this is so sinful.

The pink colour vanilla icing and its perfectly moist chocolate cupcake. 

Not too wet and not too dry. I wouldn't really consider it moist actually.

Elle picked a Vanilla cupcake with Nutella. 

I'm not sure how it taste like but it should be good. =D

Muahahaha!

Its gone!!! =D

I think i could eat 10 of these and not feeling guilty where all the sugar will go.

One of these cost RM5. 

Kinda pricey for just one cupcake. =/

I'm torn between having to say its not really worth it and that its worth it.

Nonetheless, I'm feeling that its somehow worth it.

Now, I so wanna get just another one..  or maybe two. =D teheheheee

If only you could understand how this heart feels.

As it would never feel the same way anymore.

Disappointments one after another. I want it to end.

or I will.

Golden Statue

This was actually months ago. It was taken somewhere in April at Batu Caves. Yes, I went to Batu Caves. =D I never thought I would actually.

Its my second time here but it felt like its my first time here. My parents brought me here when i was really young. Probably I was four or five that time. So, that doesn't count I guess. =DDD

This trip was like a last minute thing and I'm so glad I didn't turn down this opportunity. If you're wondering what in the world I'm actually doing here, do look forward to my next blog post. ooh! I wasn't here to pray or pray some respect but I somehow did?? LOL.

Meet "the other" Boyfriend.

=) <3

Stargazers

I've got flowers! =DDD

I got home from college and I was surprised by this,
 

I could smell the sweet scent of it when I stepped into my room. This sweet-smelling lilies is like a breath of fresh air with a little bit of peppermint-like smell. Seriously, I love the scent of it.

oh! Guess who was it from?? =DDDD

HEHEHE

I was really really surprised coz it never occurred to me at all arriving home after a tiring day from college with a bouquet of flowers.


In my heart, I felt like like jumping for joy like a 5-year-old child. =P

Anyway, I did some research to find out the name of it. It took me quite awhile to recognise it coz there are SO MANY different types of lilies.

These lilies are called the Stargazer Lilies. I like the name. =)

Its an Oriental hybrid lily and it is named Stargazer because it blooms facing the sky. According to wikipedia, stargazer lilies are toxic to cats and humans (?) - causes diarrhea if ingested.


Looks like that mr. loh dont have to kill cats with cyanide. This plant shall be a better alternative =P (internal joke)

OMG. I can't stop smelling it. My whole room has this sweet-smelling scent of it.

I absolutely, definitely, really love it, baby
Thank you so muchh!!!
I Love you! =)

p/s : the flower pollens are scary. I can't help it but to pluck it out to avoid myself from sneezing/runny nose.

=O

Today, I was informed that I'll be sitting for my Chemistry Test tomorrow.

wtf. TOMORROW!!!!!


 no, i'm not on meth. lol.

This is so last minute.
Most of my classmates said that they are prepared to flunk it. =D

Awesome.....

The Plan

GENIUS!!!!!!

All I need now is to be able to juggle my time with "it", exams and homework. =DDD